There are no beaches in Belize and Michigan smells like hot dog. Two weeks ago I was eating real fruit.  I was also eating plantain chips, tortillas, beans, and apparently anything else I could get my hands on.  I’ve just returned from an excellent trip to Belize and in every photo, I’m eating.  To be […]

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There is nothing quite like squeezing your body into a bathing suit when you’ve put back twelve packages of Peeps this season. “You know how your father is, he won’t like that suit,” a mother, sitting on the filthy floor of the Target dressing room, said to her 12 year old daughter every two minutes […]

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Dutch costumes should only be resold on wire hangers. “Let’s push it out of the road and into the church,” said the Michigander.  Yes! Let’s.  As a friend pointed out, I was “lucky there was one nearby.”  Friday was my Jeep’s first day with its new Michigan license plate.  I made it approximately half of […]

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I appreciate a confident mustache. I sat in the faux-Italian-themed Holland, Michigan restaurant waiting for what I knew would be sub-par pizza to be carried the six feet from the kitchen to the checkout counter.  I allowed my eyes to blur in an attempt to trick myself into thinking I was at least in the […]

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Maybe next year Apolo Ohno will shave his soul patch. I hurled my body down an icy chute yesterday in a day of luging that just might have made the entire state of Michigan worth it.   In order to luge, you lay down on two big blades and the flimsy hammock that connects them and […]

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